When did everyone suddenly become a critic for The Literary Review? 'Unwieldy plot devices', 'no discernible story', 'unsexy and unbelievable', 'artsy, conceited, self-aggrandising, obnoxious shit'; and those are the publishable comments. Honestly, people! They're just some fun-sized, amateur erotica stories. They're not the translation committee text for The King James Bible or a draft wording for an all-encompassing Middle East Peace Accord.But I digress. None of this was really Albie's fault, and he had been so helpful with the time illusion thingy, so my behaviour was just a touch inappropriate. But, thankfully, we've reached that point in these things where I say it's time to go 'to the letter'. Yippee. Dear Ms Girl,I write you with a certain expectation in mind, and in my deepest of hearts, I hope that you can help me in my quest for relief; no, not that kind of relief, well not today anyway, though if the future is kind to us then maybe I could fulfil those dark fantasies. The plan was this. Golf on the North Shore with myfriends Paul and Mark. We would tow the boat to thecourse, play a round of golf, drive to a nearby marinaand Annette and some of her girl friends would meet usfor the one-hour boat ride to the bar. We would pull atube behind the boat for some water sports, drink lotsof Budweiser and probably be somewhat ripped beforeeven getting to “The Stop”. The boys were more than alittle disappointed when Annette showed up solo.All of her friends had previous commitments, so itwould just be 3 and 1. Their hopes of some “fresh meat”to liven up the day would be limited to burgers at thebar, it appeared. We dropped the boat in the river at2:00 and our adventure was on. About 30 seconds afterthe boat got wet, the first round of beer hit our lipsand the day had officially begun. We all have knowneach other for a long time, so the atmosphere was verylight and easy-going. The guys see Annette as a buddy more than a.
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